Remember when we were in grade school and looked at our parents lives and felt like everything was simple for grown ups. It’s amazing really, my Mom is incredibly strong and went through many trials during my childhood, yet all I saw was how smoothly she ran our life. Looking back I see where she had to ask for help to get me home from school, worked long hours, and probably racked up some bills allowing me to do the things my little heart desired, but it looked so simple to me back then…she made it look easy.
My desire for my children is to see happiness always in their lives, even when things really aren’t that simple. Being a grown-up, especially a grown-up with children, is anything but simple. It probably doesn’t help that I’m a chronic worrier…I’m working on that. I have little tabs in my Bible for rough days that take me specifically to passages regarding worry, and if I can just take the time to open it, I always feel better. But I can worry through any situation in our life. So on the less simple days, days when things are messy, I tend to compound the mess in my head. By going…”if we have THIS much in outstanding student loan debt, how will we ever pay it off in time to save to put the kids through college”…or “things were tight this month…and in two months we have an extra family member?!”. But yesterday a friend asked me if I was happy, really happy. I had to think about that question for a minute. Because we had a lot of expenses coming up hanging over our heads, I’m seven months pregnant = large and uncomfortable, work is stressing me out, my child isn’t potty training well, and my whole world is about to completely change (have I mentioned that I don’t do change well?!). But the answer surprised me…yes, yes…I really am.
I am the wife of an amazing man. Who some days acts like a toddler and makes me crazy but most days is…well…wonderful. He works hard to provide for his family, he does more than most men in means of household chores/cooking, he is amazing with our daughter, and even when I’m not my best…he loves me. Not the love you because I have to kind of love…he really loves me. He always has…I believe he always will…that is a true blessing. I am the mother of an incredible little girl! She is so stinking smart and has the sweetest character, being her mother has changed my life in a million ways and I’m thankful for that. I have a great job, it’s been stressful in ways I don’t prefer lately (mostly because I’m doing some things that I’m not confident are going well…and I’m too much a perfectionist for that), I have the flexibility to work from home part time and keep my daughter with me (Daddy is here when I’m working…I’m no superwoman! LOL). I have an wonderful, loving, and supportive family. I have incredible friends that are there, really there. God is good and we have been incredibly blessed. So yes, things are tight sometimes, we have drama in our lives at times, I feel like I’m not doing enough…alot…but despite all those things…I’m happy. Really and truly happy.
I think that happiness is a choice. I could choose to allow the stresses of our life make me a sullen, miserable, depressed person. But what would that accomplish? What kind of message would that send to my husband who’s working so hard, to my daughter who see’s a flower out of the dandelion I call a weed, to my friends who support me, or to God who put those trials in my life to teach me something? I don’t know…but its not the message I want to send. So today I choose happiness. I choose to wake up to the world and smile. And even if I can’t forget the trials and truly feel calm…I can put a smile on my face and fake it. Fake it until you make it.